Who am I?

Written By Choy Yiu Chan

When we think about who we are, most of us start with labels—"man," "mother," "business owner," "lawyer." Do these labels really define us?

Here are some of mine: woman, mother, daughter, single parent, Dutch-born Chinese, lawyer, business owner, environmentally conscious, straightforward. Yet none of these truly capture who I am. In fact, they feel limiting—both to others and to myself.

We inherit identities from our families, cultures, communities, and even strangers. Labels based on gender, age, race, education, profession, relationship status—where does it end? Which of these are truly ours?

That leads to a deeper question: Who am I, really?

Through soul searching, I’ve come to embrace my contradictions. I am everything and nothing. Strong and vulnerable. Asian and Western. Rooted and nomadic. Educated, yet still searching. I’m not a typical anything—and that’s the point. I’m not meant to fit in a box.

One story that captures this contrast: as a young lawyer at a top law firm, billing €220 an hour, I spent weekends waitressing at my mom’s Chinese restaurant. Guests sometimes complimented my Dutch. Both roles were meaningful—but neither label told the full story.

Over time, I’ve worn many identities, and with each one, I’ve changed. Transformation is not only possible—it’s essential. Which brings me to where I am today.

Today, I am my life lessons.

And one of the most important lessons I’ve learned is this: live as many identities as you can. Put yourself in new situations. Explore. Observe. Learn. That’s how we discover who we really are.

Because knowing yourself is the key to serving others. As Martin Luther King Jr. said, “Everyone can be great because everyone can serve.” And as one of my podcast guests, Lee du Plooy, put it: “Find what you have that helps others.”

For me, that gift is connection—connecting with people and connecting people to each other. That’s why I’m working on becoming a better communicator—so I can share my story and help others share theirs.

So, to sum it up:

  • I am not my labels.

  • I’ve lived many lives.

  • I am my life lessons.

  • One lesson is: I’m here to connect.

  • And to do that, I need your help.

Will you help me?

Choy Yiu Chan